Critical Investigation: learner response

WWW- There is the potential for a fascinating essay here- the argument you lout out in the introduction regarding whether black males contribute to their own negative stereotypes is a very interesting one. However...

EBI- You don't go on to explicitly focus on this debate in the rest of the essay. This is an issue to focus on.
-The biggest aspect holding you back by far is the lack of research. Your bibliography is miles short of where it needs to be with almost no academic sources. Where is the evidence of the BFI trip ?PDFs on system or books in class ? I can only see one.
-Written english is poor : you consistently fail to use capital letters for titles/names. That is not good enough at A2 level.
-The second half of the essay introduces some interesting theory but doesn't link any of it back to primary/secondary texts. You're missing out here!
-Textual analysis lacks detail and relevance to essay question.

Plan

Aiming for a B grade.

1. Add more research to bibliography
2. Go over capital letters and punctuation
3. Always link theory back to main question and primary and secondary texts
4. Go into more detail with textual analysis
5. Link theories in every paragraph (Alvarado,Fanon)